03/03/2023, 00:20 AM – I missed a few of these.

Hi! It’s uh, it’s been a while.

Not that much happened since then, but I feel guilty for not writing down anything. My head’s been circling over the same old boring nonsense it usually does. I’m starting to think it won’t ever go away.

Well, I was already pretty certain of it, but now I think I know for sure.

Anyway. I went to Japan. Had a good time, went skiing. I like travelling, somewhere deep in my heart, I think. But I definitely had the most fun when my idiot friend decided to hold me up past the time the last train left and I had to walk back home in the cold on my own. I laughed to myself quite a bit then. The world is a nice place, isn’t it. I will miss him.

I’ve started work now. It’s… Well, it’s good. My boss is nice, the work is easy enough, and I have time to study whatever I want. But, well. It is very funny to think that I’ve somehow ended up basically working as customer support. Me! I have all the tact and people skills of a drunk gorilla. I’ll learn, I suppose. It’s always good to try different things.

My head’s been… Strange lately. I really have no idea what to make of it. Whether I should be worried, or relieved. Up until very recently the only thing that made me want to keep going was basically pure spite. But, that’s all gone now. Ok, not gone. But the Very Loud Voice is now whispering. It’s still there, thank the lord. But it’s not consuming everything anymore. A lot of different things are spinning around in my head now. There was a lot of stuff spinning around before too, I guess, but it’s different. More… viscous? It’s less violent.

I don’t really know what I’m working towards anymore. There’s ten different things pulling me in a hundred different directions and I don’t know what to make of it. Perhaps I just want to have my cake and eat it too, but that’s not so wrong is it? This is all coming out incredibly wrong, and I’m not overly fond of it. But I suppose it will have to do.

I am so sorry, O journal of mine. I do not think I can do you justice for a while. I’ll keep trying though. Everything in my life is settling down a little, but somehow that just makes the dread grow larger and larger and larger. Maybe I just don’t want to grow up. I’ll find a way to put it to words eventually. Or maybe I won’t. But I’ll keep trying anyway.

I feel good to have written that, nonsense though it may be. To whoever reads this, I hope your soul finds peace.